Fear

It’s your intelligence that speaks for your emotions. It’s how you think that impacts how you see things around you. It all revolves around your knowledge and skills. What you are exposed to most regularly is what makes you you. Being educated, you have an advantage… You know things others don’t know. But is that really an advantage? The more you know and understand about life, the more you fear. Is that a good thing? You see things average people don’t see, whether good or bad. Who knows what? But for every “advantage” that you reap, there is always a downfall… Silence is bliss, you learn.

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You fear that you are not good enough. That you are incompetent to what your skills really extend to. The fact that your skills reflect who you are. To you, It’s meaningless to try.You want results. You want to see your own success, as if it is something tangible. Or maybe you want to see that other people respond to your success. It’s a chain of reaction. You’ll work so hard to get what you want and in the end, will see failure. You don’t want to hear, “Try again.” “Never give up.” So you don’t hear. You ignore it, because what do your friends know about you’re going through. Absolutely nothing. And it scares you. It scares you to know that no one understands. You’re trapped in your own thoughts.

You expect so much from yourself that when you fall, you’re not worried that you have failed others, but rather you have failed yourself. It’s inside. It’s your mentality that really affect how you see failure… your own failure. You know you can do so much better.

You have a mindset of a workaholic. You push yourself. You don’t sleep. You work constantly, and yet you are left with this. Yourself in ruins. You question. Why is that?

The funny thing is, you aware of your skills. You gloat the fact that you have potential. You have tasteand maybe that’s the problem. The fact that you know you are good, it’s hilarious. You’re vain. You know you’re smarter than everyone else. Is that why you have failed? Is this what brought you to your own destruction?

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But why do you pick yourself back up? Why are you willing to go through the pain once again? Because you are stubborn. You’re hot-headed and will do whatever it takes to get to where you want to be at. Success. You envision yourself there. You see yourself happy. But is that really the case? Once you reach “happiness,” you really don’t know why you are there. And there it is…you remember. There are other things to do. Other things to accomplish. You’ve barely reached success. And why is that? Because you push yourself to do more.

Remember, you’re a workaholic. You push yourself. You don’t sleep. You work constantly. Because there are other things to pursue. You go through this pain once more because it pleases you to know that you are working towards something.

And then you realize. With this tasteof yours, you can do anything. You have potential. You want to do more. It’s in your nature to. It’s you, you’re challenging, not anyone else. You’re doing this to make yourself happy. You want to close that gap. Gosh darn, you’re so stubborn.

–Michelle Doan

Hi there,I’m experimenting with different styles of writing and I hope you enjoyed this post. I wanted to write a separate piece below it for the sake of consistency. I would like to relate this post to my own experiences and life. In writing this post, I’ve come to realize that life really isn’t about satisfying others, rather it is for yourself. Whatever I do, I will have to live with anyway… There’s no turning back at this point.

As a high school student, I’ve been so involved with school, extracurricular activities, and sports. Over the years, I’ve been obsessed with the idea of reaching other’s expectations for me and making my parents proud. I haven’t been doing anything for myself. I’ve learned that life is about reaching “happiness,” whatever that may mean. Someday (hopefully), I’ll find my passion and pursue it. As for now, I will focus on myself and the rest will come…

P.S. Check out my new “music” page. It’s updated everyday, so be sure to come back!

Have a wonderful day.

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