Unspoken words. Mixed emotions and loneliness.
Everyone wishes for love and a strong bondage with another, whether that may be through marriage, friendship, or family. It is our ultimate goal in life to achieve such status and be content with knowing that somebody else in the world depends on us as a source of happiness and trust. I feel this is such an odd concept to live by, for it is taught to most that to be independent and not allow others to influence our happiness or emotions is most beneficial to our individual growth/development.
However, we are human beings. And at times, are not all that powerful as we appear to be. We, for one, cannot control our own emotions and although some deny it, are forced to feel things we simply do not want to experience. At one point in our lives, we will feel a sense of vulnerability and hopelessness. We may also experience joy and happiness. What we see, the environment, and how others act/respond are the ultimate deciders of our own emotions. It’s a psychology!
According to Francis Guenette, a blogger who has a graduate degree in psychology, emotional contagion has a major impact on our personal feelings and interests. Being with a mellow and quiet person can influence how you act around them, while being surrounded by vivacious and energetic people, on the other hand, can surely change how you feel at the moment.
Although it is a proven fact that your own emotions is deeply influenced by what your surroundings, it is important to remember that you are in charge of your own body and actions. How you come across as and speak your mind to be defines your long-term expressions.
Sydney Carton, a pivotal character in A Tale of Two Cities, is portrayed by society as a hopeless drunken man who appears to have no goals in life. He is dubbed “the man of no delicacy” and it is no wonder why some refer to him by such terms. It is until Chapter 13 of Book the Second that the audience is more fully aware of his current state of mind. His true colors are shown, and thus a new aspect of his unique character is introduced.
In this chapter, he comes to Lucie Manette as a vulnerable, lost man. He lays his thoughts down about his current situation in hopes of achieving a sense of relief. “Will you let me believe, when I recall this day, that the last confidence of my life was reposed in your pure and innocent breast…” Carton feels trapped and cannot deal with his emotions. In this scene, it is interesting to see the “drunken man” reveal what he is feeling for Lucie and what he has to say to her. I was quite surprised to find that Carton was affectionate towards Lucie, for he constantly mocked her and her father in previous chapters. And I suppose… that was his way to hide what he truly felt about her.
He was in denial. Carton could not bring himself to tell Lucie what he felt for her in fear of rejection. He understood that he was not good enough for a woman like Lucie. He even felt sorry for feeling such way, but could not help himself. “I know very well that you can have no tenderness for me; I ask for none; I am even thankful that it cannot be.”
Carton’s “lost love” and fear came to consume him whole. He grew to accept that he was not inadequate to someone like Stryver and was worthless. No one wanted him. He did not want anyone. Or at least he tried not to.. Because he was not able to express his emotions properly from the start, Carton is unsure what could have happened if he had done so earlier. If he had confessed his feelings to Lucie Manette, where would that lead him? Marriage? or rejection? Who knows…
This scene in the story reminded me of “Love Lost,” a song by the Temper Trap.